Celebrate Freedom : Defeat Imposter Syndrome

ROBIN BRADLEY HANSEL

A FEMCITY FOUNDER’S MEMBER

Last summer, my husband asked what I thought about moving to Miami for an incredible job opportunity for him. The first thing I said was, “Maybe I’ll get to meet Richard Blanco.” We just stared at each other -- dumbfounded. He was speechless at my odd answer. I was shocked by the weird words that immediately popped out of my mouth.

Granted, Presidential Inaugural Poet Richard Blanco is one of my favorite poets. In 2012, I recalled learning as I watched him read “One Today” on TV that he was from Miami. Still, why would those be the first words I would answer to a question like that?

I soon learned that Miami is a massive city for poetry and that Richard Blanco was just completing his two-year term as the first-ever Poet Laureate for Miami-Dade County. As part of that role, he was collecting submissions for “Miami’s Favorite Poems Project.”

I chose “The Hermit Crab” by Mary Oliver. I wrote a short blurb about why the poem meant so much to me. After I submitted it online, I felt I had the reason for my answer.

I wrote: “When I arrived in Florida 20 years ago, the sea became "home" to me. I spent hours walking and researching marine life. This poem -- with its wonderful line breaks -- draws in all my senses and captures the awe I still feel on every walk. Miami is now my newest home, and, like the hermit crab, this poem reminds me I can still leap, hold on, and connect.” Everything felt full circle and complete. It all made sense. I wasn’t crazy.

Read “The Hermit Crab” in its entirety (two pages) here: https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poetrymagazine/browse?contentId=36937

Then, on my dad’s 92nd birthday, a few weeks after my mom’s death, I saw on Instagram that my Mary Oliver poetry selection was a #SundayStanza! Not long after, I received an email invitation to read for a video recording with other Miami poets and poetry lovers from the community at the Office of the Mayor. I just couldn’t believe it.

That’s when I began to absolutely panic. I’d never been on camera reading from a teleprompter. I was brand new to Miami, and although I’d been writing poetry my whole life, I was terrified to call myself a poet – especially in the company of “real” poets.

I battled imposter syndrome for weeks. I wrote and re-wrote my words. I barely slept. I practiced with and without my glasses, squinting into the bathroom mirror with the words taped to the glass. I messed with my hair, my makeup, my everything. I was a wreck.

Our son had to get me to the train station because I was too nervous to drive downtown.

I stumbled through security. In the bathroom, I discovered I’d forgotten my hairbrush. It was raining, and I didn’t even have a comb. Somehow, the utter absurdity calmed me completely. I started laughing. I looked at my hair and just said to myself, “Let’s do this.”

I decided that if Richard Blanco could bravely read his poem in front of the entire world, then I could surely read a few words from a teleprompter in front of three nice people. I was sweaty, and my throat was dry, but my voice was oddly calm. The video team did two quick takes. I didn’t need my glasses. Watch the whole thing here: (I’m reader #8!)

https://www.miamidade.gov/global/government/mayor/poetry/miami-favorite-poems.page

I’m not saying I won’t battle imposter syndrome again. I absolutely will. However, I faced it this time, and I won my freedom -- with the help of some very poetic synchronicity.

Robin Bradley Hansel, founder of Green Treehouse Media and Labyrinth Wellness, loves collaborative storytelling and ghostwriting in her clients’ personal voices. A licensed physical therapist with a poet’s sensibility and gift for deep listening, Robin’s writing style is “rooted and grounded in a love of words.” Check out her work and connect at www.greentreehousemedia.com and https://linktr.ee/robinbradleyhansel.